Hearing the quiet voice of the soul
Tell me, has it ever happened to you that you did something not because you wanted to, but because you felt guilty or wanted to look better, and then regretted it? Or the other way round — that you did not do something out of fear that it would not work out or that someone would judge you? Then this article is for you!
A common case for sensitive natures
There are a great many similar cases in my practice. A woman, 35–40 years old, a straight-A student in life, used to doing everything correctly, thinking a great deal and afraid of taking a wrong step. All her life she listens to what those around her tell her: first her parents, teachers and friends, then her husband and the authorities in books. Behind this chorus of confident voices, which know what is best for her, it is very hard for her to hear what she herself wants. Although resistance does arise inside her from time to time, at some point it breaks and then she starts doing everything out of inertia. Outwardly it sometimes happens that there is nothing to complain about: there is a family, a job, a home, she is not in need. Everything as it should be. But everything that fills her day leads to her not feeling that she is really living. She does everything so that there is nothing to find fault with. So that her husband, her boss, her children, if she has any, and her mother are all satisfied, and there is also a not-quite-extinguished striving to come closer to the ideal from authoritative books, perhaps even to the examples from the lives of the saints. At first it all goes reasonably well, but over the years exhaustion accumulates, along with inner dissatisfaction and a vague sense that she wants something different. These feelings she probably crushes out of habit or brushes aside: why dream of the impossible! But at some point she cannot bear it any longer and starts looking for a way out. How, at last, can I get to know my real self? How can I be a good wife, mother and employee without losing myself? She is very afraid that if she lets out everything she has been holding in for years, she and everyone around her will simply be swept away by a hurricane, that she will not be able to control it — and taking the first step is very frightening! But at the same time there is a faith that everything can be changed, that you can start enjoying life right now rather than someday later, that you can add more love to your life today. 
Successful friends and books
You may have acquaintances or friends like this: active, managing to do a great many things and, by all appearances, satisfied with their life and their choices. When we see such a vivid example before us, a thought immediately creeps in: maybe if I do the same as she does, I will feel good too? All the more so because such people speak with great enthusiasm and confidence and sometimes fall into the sin of considering their choice the only correct one. If she has her own beautiful garden, then I need to plant one; if she has 5 children, then I must too. But if you try to do this, then at some stage you will most likely run into unforeseen difficulties. What looked easy and joyful from the outside may in practice turn out to be too heavy a burden. And sometimes it is hard to declare your own unique choice, even if the people around you do not support you at first, and to admit to yourself certain weaknesses and the limits of your resources in certain areas. Gradually you come to understand that although a person is capable of a great deal, it is best to concentrate on what you personally do best and invest in exactly that, to choose exactly what suits your own unrepeatable personality. There is also a difficult story with self-development books. While you are reading you are inspired, but almost nothing gets as far as being applied in life. The next author already offers a different concept, partly refuting the previous one, and you become more and more confused and do not know what to take on, what to do first and what to put off until later. The author is far away, and it is often impossible to ask them: how does this concept apply specifically to my case? What can be left out of it and what must on no account be left out? The result is that you have realised a lot but changed little in your life — that is the outcome of reading many books.
What stops us from hearing ourselves
- A habit from childhood. The habit, formed in childhood, of not trusting yourself and your own sensations, of putting up with discomfort, drowns out the inner voice of our soul. Each of us was created by God with a particular purpose and with our own set of unique qualities and talents. And however hard we try to make a good engineer out of someone whose calling is to be a good pianist, they will be a mediocre engineer, or else simply unhappy.
- Fear of making a mistake. If we concentrate not on our goals but on how to avoid making a mistake, how to avoid making the wrong choice, we will be treading water. Many things (unless, of course, they are unambiguously immoral) can only be understood in practice.
- Convenience. If you have spent years suppressing all your desires and have nevertheless survived and started a family, it will be very frightening to change even a little of the familiar order. What if it gets worse?
- Unwillingness to invest. Working on yourself really is work, which requires discipline and consistency, and it is not always possible to understand yourself alone, without help. You will have to do things unfamiliar to you day after day, to try, to fall and get up. But the result is worth it!
Why should we learn to hear ourselves?
- You will be able to feel freedom. Only when you start working out what you personally like and dislike, and how you would want to build your life, will the oppressive feeling that you are living someone else’s life go away
- You will start enjoying life. Years of accumulated dissatisfaction with yourself, your choices and the content of your days makes it hard to feel joy even when it is expected of you, for example on holidays, when receiving presents.
- You will do something wonderful. How many amazing discoveries await those who start living by the call of their heart! Perhaps you can sew magical dresses, or write absorbing stories, or run classes for children that make everyone laugh with joy and come running to them as to a celebration?
- You will meet new people. When we start to open up, people’s attitude towards us changes too, and we can bring far more benefit, kindness and love into this world. A dejected and dissatisfied person is hardly able to teach anyone love!
How to start trusting yourself
The best thing we can do is to learn to hear ourselves, to ask ourselves the right questions and to look patiently for the answers. To learn to make sense of our inner sensations, to remove what is superficial and in the way and to hear the quiet and unobtrusive voice of the soul. Try taking a risk and doing something you have never done before but very much wanted to. At first you may want to do it in your head and will immediately dismiss all the options as unsuitable or impossible. What is needed is to do it in real life, not to think it over! Months and years have gone into thinking as it is, and here we are talking about only a small action. Write down a list of your goals, everything you ever wanted to do but did not. Take the first step and do the simplest of them! And I am sure everything will work out for you, if you set the goal and refuse to give it up for anything!
And if you already want to learn to hear the voice of your soul, to trust your feelings, to work through the problems and negativity in your life and to arrive at something beautiful and new, write to me at inly@list.ru
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