Inna Shukshina

Is there such a thing as happiness in life at all, and does it go together with faith in God? A few years ago I was not at all sure that you can feel happiness and at the same time live by the commandments. I was tormented by doubts — what if everything that brings joy and pleasure is a sin? And at  any sign of happiness that was not clearly of spiritual origin I felt awkward and experienced a sense of guilt. Frightening quotations immediately came into my head about how pleasures must be limited, how thinking about yourself is bad, how you must think only of others. You would think I could at least rejoice in spending time with my children — that is surely a permitted joy — but instead of that I felt only tiredness and irritation.

Food, on the other hand, was not much condemned in the strict articles by highly ascetic people; on the contrary, you can find many articles about a varied fasting table, and I used to eat away my worries and tiredness with sweet things. Sweet things are even allowed during a fast, which means it is also a permitted joy, and one of the few that really did give me a little gladness back then. And I really did get thoroughly hooked on treats, as at least some kind of imitation of joy and relaxation after a hard day. But the abundance of sweet and starchy food led to weight gain, and in the end I lost yet another pleasure in life — the pleasure of a slim, light body; I became heavy and clumsy. That was when thoughts began to visit me more and more often that my ideas about self-denial had led me to something rather unattractive and that I did not know at all what love and happiness actually are. I had all of this, but only in brief flashes and with a taste of bitterness and hopelessness.

Gradually I came to understand that I needed to learn from scratch to enjoy life, simple everyday things. To feel the taste of tea, the smell of perfume, the warmth of a bubble bath, curiosity about new cities and inspiration from creative work. It was hard for me to overcome my constant sense of guilt, which frightened me with the idea that the joys of life could lead me “the wrong way”, away from God, but with every cell of my heart that came back to life, love for God came back to life too. If there is so much that is wonderful and marvellous around you, so many opportunities, how much God must really love us! How many surprises and discoveries He has arranged for us! Only realising this at the level of feeling, not of the mind, helped me understand where the truth is and where it is not. Analysis and turning the same thoughts over in my head did not help me start living in a new way. Having lived through all of this in my own experience, having spent long years and much effort and searching on my path, I found the methods that help you learn in the shortest possible time to feel that you are living for real, that the world supports you and that God loves you.

And having lived through all of this from the inside, it turned out that my recommendations help other people too to learn to be happy, to feel love inside themselves, to see the miracles happening in their life every day. That is how it became my calling and the work I love. And today I want to share with you those harmful beliefs, from my experience and from my experience of working with people, that most often prevent me and my Orthodox clients from being happy! And it is precisely by getting rid of them that you can stop feeling guilty and take responsibility on yourself, and free yourself from fears and insecurity. It often happens that we do not get what we dream of precisely because of internal prohibitions. Let us find and defuse them right now!

1. Happiness is a sin

Perhaps you have read articles about how all pleasures in life are sinful and how our task is to live as ascetically as possible, not allowing ourselves anything superfluous. Women who believe that this is right are afraid to give themselves any pleasure at all, to do anything at all that brings them enjoyment; they deny themselves everything.  One of my coaching clients used to go out walking with her children in a hat she did not like, thinking that there was no point in allowing herself anything extra and buying another one — this one is still fine, and anyway thinking about things is bad! But in the end, when she took the risk and bought the very hat she liked, she began getting ready for walks with far more pleasure, and her mood lifted when she saw her reflection in the mirror. It turned out that when she wore the unattractive hat, she thought about it and about how she looked far more often than about the walk, compared with when she wore things that suited her! And this small thing showed her that when we forbid ourselves what we want, it gives worse results than allowing ourselves small feminine joys!

2. Happiness is laziness

People are afraid that they will have no motivation to move forward if they are satisfied with everything in life. “I will calm down, get lazy and just lie on the sofa!” Somewhere deep inside I had that fear too, and sometimes I even deliberately created difficult conditions for myself so that there would be motivation to do something. But later it turned out that you can motivate yourself differently — positively — and when recently, while working with a group, we did an exercise on this theme, then literally within 5 minutes tired women who had only just been immersed in their problems had energy, enthusiasm and a wish to start acting! They had never had that before, when they scolded and criticised themselves and tried to become better by such means.

3. Happiness means the risk of punishment

If you have a vague apprehension inside that things cannot all be good, that when nothing is happening you should expect a catch or the evil eye. Then all joyful moments will be poisoned by a feeling of fear and will not penetrate deeply into the heart. I have often heard from clients that when they start to feel good, they feel afraid. What if it is dangerous? What if you have to pay for it?

4. Happiness is unrealistic

Perhaps we do not believe that it is possible, and get used to living somehow, anyhow. Wanting nothing, not hearing our wishes, betraying our dreams and plans. If it is unrealistic, then why even try?

In fact, happiness is a normal human state. When things are simply good and calm. Sometimes sad, sometimes inspired. When there are pits, but you know that you will definitely climb out of them and know how to do it, and that it is temporary.

5. Happiness is not for me

There is also the feeling that there is something wrong with you, that you lack something needed in order to live in happiness every day. If only I had a house… or a more romantic husband… or a lot of money… or if the world were different altogether! In our online coaching group there is a wonderful young woman who felt that the world was heading for its end and that being happy is simply unrealistic in such conditions. But when we worked through her negative beliefs, she felt alive; an interest in life and in the job she already had appeared, she remembered her long-abandoned plans for life and started travelling!

So how do you become happy, what steps do you need to take for this? We will talk about that in my next article!

Write in the comments which of these negative beliefs you have already caught in yourself, and which other,  inspiring one you would like to replace it with as early as today!

Regarding personal consultations and coaching, write to inly@list.ru

Write to me if you are already ready to start living in a new way, if you want to feel inspiration, a surge of strength, to find the cause of your problems, to free yourself from negative beliefs, fears, disorganisation and chronic tiredness, and to start something new, raise your income, and begin to love life and people!

Examples of client stories https://innashukshina.eu/en/category/articles/coaching/

People often come to me asking for a personal consultation, but I cannot take everyone because of my tight schedule. Some find it convenient to come to an open webinar, but some have a poor internet connection or the time does not suit them, or they want to discuss their situation more deeply and individually without other people present. And now here is some pleasant news for those who have long wanted to understand themselves in more detail, who are already tired of trying alone, for a long time and with difficulty, to understand the cause of their difficulties, to look for answers to their questions, to work out what stops them living a joyful, full life. For those who no longer want to spend long months and years doubting, being afraid of making the wrong choice, scolding themselves for mistakes, going round in circles without moving forward.

And right now  I have the opportunity to take on two people for a personal consultation by Skype or phone. It is better to reply today, to be sure of getting a place and signing up in time. We will look at your request in more detail and you will get from me a valuable recommendation about what suits you in your particular situation, as well as personal support and a step-by-step plan for reaching your goal.

Write to me in reply to this letter, briefly: what city you are from, what your problem is and what goal you want to achieve, why you decided to turn to me specifically, what times and days suit you so that we can find a time convenient for you and for me, your Skype, and if I am ready to take you on, I will send the payment details and we will meet for the consultation! Address inly@list.ru

Here are the results my clients get even after just one Skype consultation:

If you do not believe in yourself and it feels as if the world is not supporting you

“It is amazing how one phrase can change me. At a simple consultation before the start of the coaching group I shared my state with you (deep down I expected that a lot of work would be needed on it). You hit the mark with the idea: “How about spending the end of the world in a great way?”… And then my gloomy grey picture cracked, and light poured through the cracks. I remembered that I do have plans, interesting things I want to do, beloved and dear people I want to see.

After that conversation and the change in the direction of my thoughts I did not change fundamentally straight away: I went on seeing the dangerous and sad aspects of my surroundings; but I already had other interests – what else good and interesting I could do. There was no longer an oppressive state, but an interest in life.”   Nelya

Difficulties in relationships

“Good afternoon, Inna! Thank you for what you do! After talking with you, changes for the better happened to me — my former fiancé and I stopped communicating, it was as if it had been cut off. I saw myself from the outside with another man and saw that it is with Him that I am happy. I was surprised; the vision was so real that no doubts were left. Like a weight off my shoulders. Now I am in touch with a new man, so far as friends, but he is so close to my soul) “.    Elena

Problems at work

It was pleasant to deal with Inna as a consultant. She treats another person’s problems with respect, and there is no awkwardness in communicating, no worry that I will be unpleasantly hurt in some way — a very attentive and correct specialist. She listens attentively and goes into all the fine points of problems in family relationships, relationships with employees, and problems of professional growth.

She offers solutions that involve some strain (it seems you cannot resolve anything without it), but they lead to the situation shifting from where it was stuck and moving towards being put right. She helps you look at it from a completely different angle. I liked that her solutions do not vanish into thin air but work and help.”    I.

Write to me if you genuinely want to change something in your life for the better, to feel love for life and inspiration!

Regarding personal consultations and coaching, write to inly@list.ru or to Skype desnly!

Inna Shukshina, coach, psychologist. I help women and men solve problems at work, learn to negotiate, find the reason for the absence of joy in life and the lack of motivation, start doing what they enjoy, and improve relationships with those close to them. I give people results

– clinical psychologist
– certified coach in the method of the psychologist Irina Udilova
– author of articles on the popular portal matrony.ru
– mother of three children and 10 years of a successful marriage
– host of  master classes and practising consultant
– author-compiler of the book “I believe — I do not believe. A dialogue with an atheist.” and founder of the Orthodox society “Our faith” at Phystech (MIPT)
– has helped many women become happier and improve relationships in the family
– trained with coaches, well-known experts on family relationships and book authors Irina Udilova and Anton Ustupalov

Download the book “5 steps to loving yourself” for free
https://innashukshina.eu/en/book-5-steps-to-self-love/

Write to me at inly@list.ru if you want to ask your own personal question!