Self-respect – doing what you enjoy
In my life I have travelled a long path of searching and reflecting on the subject of how to motivate yourself to do something and to move towards some goals. And it was a discovery that if we do what we do not enjoy, that is the road to depletion, dejection and nervous breakdowns. 
One aspect of respect for yourself is doing what you genuinely enjoy, what fits with your soul at a deep level, what you are called to and what you are good at. But it often happens that we have to spend our life on completely different things. To do what we must, to do something out of guilt, shame, or simply for money, without filling that work with interest, inspiration and love. And when we act from these motives, it seems to us that the world is about survival, and we do not feel our own value or significance. A few years ago my husband had a crisis at work. He did a great deal in his life out of a sense of duty. If he was tired and in a bad mood, it seemed to him that some external circumstances were getting in the way, or his health, or the situation in the world. It seemed he was at a dead end — he could not do his work more or better than he already did, yet he wanted advancement at work and to feel good while doing it — full of energy and strength, in a good mood. When we sat down and talked about it in more detail, it turned out that the main cause of his exhaustion, apathy and bad mood was that a very large place in his life was taken up by things he did out of a sense of duty, because he had to, because he had been asked, because money was needed. And extremely rarely did he do something simply because he liked it, found it interesting, enjoyed it.
It seemed to him that if he started doing everything with pleasure, he would be ineffective, would not be able to do many necessary things, would relax and become weak. He almost never allowed himself to rest — not even at weekends, in the evening or on holidays. But fortunately the understanding came that you cannot go on like that for long, and that you can either fall seriously ill or have your capacity for work decline even further. This problem constantly appeared in my life too: there are always many things to do, the children may not give you a minute to sit quietly, and here it depends only on us whether we manage to arrange the space of our life so that it is comfortable. In suppressing your wishes, your needs and your opinion, in refusing to stand up for your interests, there is a great deal of disrespect for yourself. And when we do not want to do something but keep giving way further and further, we respect ourselves less and less. There is much suffering in this, and a lack of belief that the world is abundant, that there are many opportunities in it and that you can always find a more suitable option for yourself. It is far from always necessary to grab at the first opportunity that comes along, or to hold on to something out of fear that there will be nothing better. When we agree to something even though inwardly we resist it and do not sincerely want to go along with it, we pass through several stages. Because this is not real agreement but a concession made from some other motives. So what stages does a person go through who does the things they do not like and forces themselves? Let us look at their approximate path!
- Endurance
This is the stage when you still feel fairly well; it seems to you that you only have to put up with it a little longer and everything will work out as it should. Doubts are already stirring inside, but you still have strength, you still have a motive for doing it, and it seems to you that it is simple and there is only a little left. But more often it turns out that it never ends, it gets more complicated, new circumstances appear, and then the next stage arrives —
2. Irritation
Inner protest begins to show itself, we no longer like any of it, we feel that something is wrong, that the time of our life is being spent on something that is not actually useful for us or for others. But we simply suppress this protest, because we consider that this is exactly what is right, and that what we feel does not matter so much. We hope that everything will end well, that it will sort itself out, and that if people want something from us, that is always fair. But if we suppress our disagreement with something for long enough, then the next stage arrives —
- Explosion.
At this stage everything that has accumulated starts coming out — all the negativity, all the grievances and dissatisfactions that were long hidden and kept quiet. At this stage people already have difficulty choosing their words, they may think about radical decisions, they quarrel with people. If in the end the understanding remains that they cannot refuse or avoid the situation, then the next stage follows
- Apathy
After a person gets into the habit of doing what others want from them, of not allowing themselves to express themselves or to hear what they actually want, of letting fears, doubts and other people steer their life, a period of depletion and weariness with everything, of powerlessness, may set in. When you want to live differently but do not believe it is possible, and lose interest in everything. At this stage problems may appear — people are unhappy that you do everything without your heart in it, any old way, just to get it over with; and if you manage to perk up and start doing your work with your heart in it again, that lasts until the first moment you have to put up with something, and then the vicious circle starts all over again. So how do you break out of this closed circle? First of all, by not being afraid to state what conditions you want and what you disagree with, while the explosion has not yet happened. By wanting more and setting yourself ambitious goals. By not suppressing your wishes and feelings. It is not an easy path, but it is worth it! And my husband, after travelling such a path, now looks and lives completely differently — not with a tense face, drooping shoulders and sleepiness, but with a broad smile, self-confidence, energy and activity! He finally said “no” to what he did not want to do and what he allowed others to impose out of fear of spoiling his relationship with them, even when it was to his own detriment. He gained respectful treatment at work and got a big contract!
Examples of client stories https://innashukshina.eu/en/category/articles/coaching/
People often come to me asking for a personal consultation, but I cannot take everyone because of my tight schedule. Some find it convenient to come to an open webinar, but some have a poor internet connection or the time does not suit them, or they want to discuss their situation more deeply and individually without other people present. And now here is some pleasant news for those who have long wanted to understand themselves in more detail, who are already tired of trying alone, for a long time and with difficulty, to understand the cause of their difficulties, to look for answers to their questions, to work out what stops them living a joyful, full life. For those who no longer want to spend long months and years doubting, being afraid of making the wrong choice, scolding themselves for mistakes, going round in circles without moving forward.
And right now I have the opportunity to take on two people for a personal consultation by Skype or phone. It is better to reply today, to be sure of getting a place and signing up in time. We will look at your request in more detail and you will get from me a valuable recommendation about what suits you in your particular situation, as well as personal support and a step-by-step plan for reaching your goal.
Write to me in reply to this letter, briefly: what city you are from, what your problem is and what goal you want to achieve, why you decided to turn to me specifically, what times and days suit you so that we can find a time convenient for you and for me, your Skype, and if I am ready to take you on, I will send the payment details and we will meet for the consultation! Address inly@list.ru
Here are the results my clients get even after just one Skype consultation:
If you do not believe in yourself and it feels as if the world is not supporting you
“It is amazing how one phrase can change me. At a simple consultation before the start of the coaching group I shared my state with you (deep down I expected that a lot of work would be needed on it). You hit the mark with the idea: “How about spending the end of the world in a great way?”… And then my gloomy grey picture cracked, and light poured through the cracks. I remembered that I do have plans, interesting things I want to do, beloved and dear people I want to see.
After that conversation and the change in the direction of my thoughts I did not change fundamentally straight away: I went on seeing the dangerous and sad aspects of my surroundings; but I already had other interests — what else good and interesting I could do. There was no longer an oppressive state, but an interest in life.” Nelya
Problems at work
It was pleasant to deal with Inna as a consultant. She treats another person’s problems with respect, and there is no awkwardness in communicating, no worry that I will be unpleasantly hurt in some way — a very attentive and
She offers solutions that involve some strain (it seems you cannot resolve anything without it), but they lead to the situation shifting from where it was stuck and moving towards being put right. She helps you look at it from a completely different angle. I liked that her solutions do not vanish into thin air but work and help.” I.
Write to me if you genuinely want to change something in your life for the better, to feel love for life and inspiration!
Regarding personal consultations and coaching, write to inly@list.ru or to Skype desnly!
Inna Shukshina, coach, psychologist. I help women and men solve problems at work, learn to negotiate, find the reason for the absence of joy in life and the lack of motivation, start doing what they enjoy, and improve relationships with those close to them. I give people results
– clinical psychologist
– certified coach in the method of the psychologist Irina Udilova
– author of articles on the popular portal matrony.ru
– mother of three children and 10 years of a successful marriage
– host of master classes and practising consultant
– author-compiler of the book “I believe — I do not believe. A dialogue with an atheist.” and founder of the Orthodox society “Our faith” at Phystech (MIPT)
– has helped many women become happier and improve relationships in the family
– trained with coaches, well-known experts on family relationships and book authors Irina Udilova and Anton Ustupalov
Download the book “5 steps to loving yourself” for free
https://innashukshina.eu/en/book-5-steps-to-self-love/
Write to me at inly@list.ru if you want to ask your own personal question!
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