Inna Shukshina

In my life I make serving God my main goal. I constantly try to understand his plan for me, what exactly he wanted to say in this or that part of the Bible, and how exactly one can live by the commandments in our modern world. And on this path I make many astonishing discoveries. Usually I share such things with clients in individual coaching. Because I say nothing about this to those who are not believers or to those for whom it is not interesting or relevant. And I say exactly what may be useful to a particular person at a given moment. Because I see it as a very important task to be able not to separate spiritual life from ordinary life, but to bring meaning even into ordinary, everyday things and to live by the commandments here and now.

Take, for example, love for yourself. I have met people who argued that they are very good because they do not love themselves. In places it came out convincingly and even loftily.

But what does a person who really does not love themselves look like?

– They feel unwell. Because they do not attend to their health, do not get treated — why bother, you are supposed to forget about yourself. Or the opposite — treatment is the only pleasure that is “permitted”, or it is the only “legal” excuse to rest, and this can be a cause of more frequent illnesses.

– They take offence at those around them a lot. Because, forgetting about themselves, they expect others to remember them and read their thoughts, to give them what they want. And others cannot read thoughts.

– They are constantly exhausted. If you do not love yourself, you will try to drive yourself as hard as possible, regardless of whether this actually helps your work or not, or whether your family wants it or not. A lot of unnecessary bustle. You have to be good!

– They are angry with God. Because, while apparently doing everything right, they feel unwell, get into unpleasant situations and cannot in any way convince themselves to rejoice at this and be grateful.

– They cannot show love to people openly. Because, not loving themselves, they rarely feel pleasant feelings and simply have nothing to give to those around them. Doing what they must, with their last strength and with resentment — yes. Calmly and lovingly caring for a person — no.

– They often get into unpleasant situations. Not feeling themselves, they cannot make the right choice for themselves, they put up with far too much of what does not need to be put up with, and conversely they cannot wait for a result where it is close but needs time.

– They do work that is not theirs and earn little. Because why look for your life’s work if you hate yourself? you have to choose what comes hardest to you and where they pay least, so as to torment yourself as much as possible 🙂

– There is a mess in their relationships and their life. Not knowing or understanding themselves, they get involved with the wrong people, take on what they cannot manage and turn down worthwhile opportunities. Not an enviable prospect.

– They do not do what they want but what others want from them. When the wishes of others conflict, they have a crisis (the employer wants them to spend all their time at work and be paid little, the wife/husband wants them to earn a lot and be at home more, for example).

All of this consists of symptoms of genuine people-pleasing that turns into self-abasement (which is precisely what a sin is!). Such a person is not simply “good” and “correct”, but someone who does not want to take responsibility for their own life and tries to have someone else decide everything for them under the mask of humility. They simply do, without reflecting, whatever someone wants from them, and then suffer from it. They cannot say no and become overworked.

And now look at all of this and tell me — is this the image of a Christian, the ideal we strive for? In severe cases (which come to me regularly, and we deal with them successfully. Severe — because until it became completely unbearable, they tried to carry it themselves and hoped to cope alone. Do not put it off; you should go precisely when you are in doubt about whether you need to or not, and not when it has become obvious even to everyone around you that you should have gone — 3 years ago. When you are already at the very edge, getting out takes longer, costs more and is harder) it leads to depression, emotional burnout, exhaustion, an inability to experience feelings, disrupted sleep and eating, and deteriorating health.

Whereas a person who has learned to see themselves — to love, accept and feel themselves:

– Forgives easily and moves on. It is simply unpleasant for them to remain in resentment, they feel keenly when they are moving away from God and they do not want to wish people ill (and resentment is in fact a hidden wish for a person’s death! think about that).

– They believe in the abundance of the world and that they will yet meet wonderful people and amazing opportunities. But at the same time they do not sit idle, but act actively in the necessary direction.

– They do exactly what they are called to and do not bury their talent in the ground. Instead they develop it and use it to help their family and other people. “And so he that had received five talents came and brought other five talents, saying: ‘Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents; behold, I have gained beside them five talents more’. ²¹ His lord said unto him: ‘Well done, thou good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord'” (Matt. 25)

– They understand the laws of balance, that in order to get something you have to invest something and grow it. They do not expect to “lose 10 kg overnight” or to “become happy in 1 day”. They understand that work matters too, but work that is well paid.

– They honour their father and mother. It is precisely respect for your family line, whatever it may be, and the ability to ask a blessing from your line, that we learn in coaching in the sessions about family-line scripts. But at the same time they do not remain an adult dependent on their parents’ opinion, upset by their disapproval, but are able to live their own life, make their own decisions and go their own way.

– They love their husband/wife and children. A person who feels good, who is in an excellent mood, in good health and has enough money finds it easier to share this with others than someone who is suffering, exhausted and constantly taken up with their own problems. Someone who is suffering is more likely to quarrel with people and take offence, to spend a lot of time thinking about who thought or said what about them (this can be cured too! do not believe it? ))) I suffered from it myself).

– Learning to love themselves, they begin to treat others the same way. To respect them, to give them joy and to value them. To give them more freedom.

– They begin to love God and life, because they see his care for them every day, the small miracles of life, and they are able to look at the world as children do.

– They constantly rejoice and give thanks. How can you not rejoice when you know how to live in joy consciously, to build your life the way you want, instead of waiting for happiness to fall on you or for your friends/family/colleagues finally to make you happy?

Is this not what Christ called us to?

So why did the myth arise that loving yourself is bad, that it is egoism? It is all simple: we also have our Ego (let us call it that, although this word has various meanings), which is exactly what gets confused with love for yourself, and which must under no circumstances be indulged. It is precisely the Ego that gets hidden benefits when we take offence (I am good and they are bad!). It is precisely the Ego that stops us developing (stay where you are, do not stick your head out, you never know). It is precisely the Ego that sows doubts when we try to do something in our life in a new way. It is precisely the Ego that sees the negative in everything and easily criticises itself and everyone around, and substitutes feelings of guilt and shame for responsibility for your own life.

Let me give an example of how this works when everything is set up properly. For instance, if I buy myself something that I genuinely like and that gives me joy, then, first, I go around for a while charged with energy and get a lot of useful things done. Second, I want everyone around me to be comfortable and beautiful too — for example, well dressed — and I do the same for my family. And then I want to help other people with this too. That is how successful businesses appear, where people first did something for themselves, then for their acquaintances, then for other people, and where people are on fire about their work. If, on the other hand, I buy something and then blame myself for it, I will take it out on those close to me and will certainly bring nothing useful into the world afterwards. That is, what matters is not the fact of the purchase itself but how we perceive it! And this too is a skill that you can develop in yourself in just 2 months, given coaching sessions once a week. 

Whereas those who dwell in suffering created by themselves sow only suffering around them. 

But the ability to love yourself really is very subtle. How do you avoid falling into people-pleasing or into egoism? This incredibly valuable ability is what my clients learn in coaching. Would you like the same? Write to me without putting it off, right now. You may be in a hole, with a feeling that now is not the time, but this skill is always timely and will be useful to you for the rest of your life! Perhaps you are precisely the client to whom I am meant to pass on my knowledge and skills now, so that the world has at least one more happy person with shining eyes.

A consultation from any city and country by Skype (voice) or by phone. Cost 2,000 roubles this week only. Duration 30–50 min. I  will share the 3 main secrets of how to learn to love yourself without sliding into egoism and people-pleasing.

Write to inly@list.ru, to Skype desnly, to WhatsApp 89094591380 or on VK   https://vk.com/inna_shukshina  or Facebook https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100007494997586

I will take you by the hand and lead you along the path of knowing yourself, I will help you open the door into a magical world of love and abundance, avoiding the sharp corners and hidden rocks on this path.

Because I believe that a Christian is someone who radiates joy, love and goodness. And not only someone who is dissatisfied with everything, looks for a catch in everything and does not feel themselves.

It is precisely by coming to love yourself that you will be able to solve a multitude of other problems: raise your income, improve your relationships, fulfil yourself, find your work, lose weight, become more energetic and organised, live in joy every day. And also help those close to you. After all, children are happy when their mothers are happy and can teach them this. Husbands love wives more when they shine with inner happiness and know how to be feminine, rather than being tired all the time.

Believe, love and talk soon!

With respect,
Inna Shukshina